Okay, it's over, right?
(Looks out from underneath my bed..)
Okay, good. Sorry, it's just taken me five days to recover from Christmas. It always does, this year just seemed particularly intense, for some reason. Here's the lowdown (so I remember this for next year, or when I grow old and senile, whichever comes first):
--8-12 am. Work until noon, observe a few Christmas Facebook fights with amusement
--12-1 pm. Corb arrives home. We hop in the car to get any last minute gifts that need to be gotten. The biggest problem is (no surprise) his mother. He has no idea what to get her. He has been bemoaning this fate for about two days now. Nothing seems to work, because she is so picky. And yet, she doesn't like being specific about what she wants, either. The only thing we know she likes to do is to return gifts to Corb, making him feel like shit for not buying the right thing in the first place. (Note: Oddly enough, Josie's mother always liked to do the same thing, too.)
--1 pm. After a fruitless stop to Kohl's, I decide maybe I can help with this. I honestly should have thought of this days ago. I send her a text message, all full of sickening sappy silliness. No response. Finally, I type: "If you don't tell me something, I will buy you the ugliest present I can find."
--2pm. Just as I am about to purchase a hideous purple and green muff, I receive a text mesage from his mother: an amyryllis plant in a nice container would be good.
--2:15 pm. We pause for a moment to figure out where the fuck we can find an amyryllis plant two hours before Christmas eve begins.
--3:00 pm. The local greenhouse shut down ten minutes before we reach it. The local Lowe's and Home Depots don't have anything. Desperation starts to sink in. Oh, and we still need to wrap a ton of stuff for the night!
--3:30 pm. It's a Christmas miracle. The local Stop & Shop has a small flower shop with a lovely amyrllis plant. No time to feel good about it. We rush home to wrap and get ready for our first visit, which is my father's house in Plymouth for six. Josie and the kids will be at our place in ninety minutes so we can head off.
--5:10 pm. We are actually done with wrapping, at least for my parents house. Everyone arrives. We head off to Plymouth.
--6:15 pm. Arrive in Plymouth. Everyone is there, including my sister Laurie, who flew in from Arizona a week ago with her partner. In years past this would fill me with dread but we have been getting along quite well for about a year now. We have a lovely evening. Tommy is there with his new girlfriend (who he met online) and she is really quite nice. He said he may be thinking marriage.
--10 pm. Drive home. Tell the kids our annual Santa Ghost story. This time it's about the spirit of Santa Ghost possessing Ping, which is why she is so evil. With Theo going off to college next year, I suspect it is the last story.
--11 pm. Arrive home. Kids go home with Josie, as we will meet at her house at seven to unwrap presents. Josies sends me a text letting me know where to hide all the clues for the main Christmas presents (yet another tradition I think will end this year. Already it makes little sense, because Ashes' present is her school trip to Italy and Theo's is a new laptop that won't arrive until the fifth.)
--11:30 pm. Too tired to wrap any more or think of clues, although much more to do. Collapse in bed and fall asleep.
--6 am. I wake up. Tell Corb to wake up, as he is the one who wraps presents and forbids me to do so. He will not arise from the sweet arms of Morpheus.
--6:20 am. Christmas clues typed up. I've yelled at Corb three times to wake up.
--6:30 am. Clues printed. I finally manage to wake the sleeping Corb. Oral sex was not involved.
--7:00 am. Corb is still wrapping. Text messages start coming in from Josie: where are you?
--7:05 am. I plead with Annie not to arrive at Josie's house until 7:45, so we can get there and hide the main presents. She is not thrilled.
--7:10 am. Send frantic text mesage to Josie: "I am going to have a heart attack. This is too much." Fight with Corb. He finishes presents and then has the NERVE TO TAKE A GOD DAMN SHOWER.
--7:30 am. Arrive at Josie's. We realize we left Theo's main present icon (since the present isn't arriving until the 5th) at my desk at home. Enormous fight ensues. Corb gets mad and says he is leaving. Goes to his car.
--7:35 am. Josie devises solution. I go to Corb in the car and we make up. Oral sex was not involved.
--7:45 am. Annie arrives. Present unwrapping commences.
--10 am. Ashes is hungry. Must go get breakfast. Leary of local donut shop, as last year our order was too big and they called us assholes. Yet, it is the only place in town open. We decide to take our chances, but go in, to reduce likelihood they will call us assholes.
--11 am. Spend an hour playing with Kaeden. I bought him a pirate spyglass and we spend the time locating imaginary pirate ships in the window of Josie's study and shooting them down with our cannons.
--Noon. Back home. I finally wrap up Corb's presents. His big gift: tickets to Bette Midler. Her bought me a Galaxy tablet, as I have been expressing increased irritation with energy-sucking Apple products. We make glorious love. (Okay, I made that last part up)
--1:10 pm. On the road again. This time to Randolph to eat dinner with Corb's family and unwrap presents. Corb's mom arrives late, her fiance is not there, but she has a suspicious bruise under her eye. More on that later.
-- 7:00 pm. Leave Randolph. Head back to Eldredge to pick up kids. Must be home before nine, when Doctor Who Christmas special will start.
--9:00 pm. At home. Enjoy best Doctor Who Christmas special in years. Since David Tennant's last one, actually.
--11:00 pm. Collapse.
That's it! Oh, but wait, there's more. After Christmas day, I suddenly get into a huge declutterification mood. Time to simplify my life. And so:
Friday: Spend eight hours sorting through and re-organizing my life. All my theater stuff is listed by play and year, my writing is actually in one location, sorted by story title, my "must keep" paperwork is filed by life stage (don't ask) and my writing desk looks a thousand times better. Even my tax returns are now located in one central binder, dating back to 2000! This was a terrific day for the OCD part of my brain.
Saturday: Went through all the emails I've accumulated that I said, "Oh, I'll look at that later," and then set aside and never went back to. THIS ACTUALLY TAKES MORE TIME THAN YOU MIGHT THINK. That night, we head off to Boston to see "White Christmas." The actotrs seem strangely lethargic. Could it be because Christmas is over? No matter, I am drunk. La la la.
Sunday: TIme to attack my clothing closet and sort through what I have and get rid of what I don't like.
Monday: Time to disable all those annoying reminders and alerts that I get on my iPhone, iPad, and now Galaxy pad. They interrupt the music I listen to do and I cannot honestly comprehend why I would need an alert to tell me that, say, someone has played their turn on Words with Friends. Really, is it that important? Really? Also, I go through my trash bin in my email and hit "unsubscribe" on my email to as many sites as I can, because these truly are unnecessary and transform my email from something useful to something that simply becomes a delete factory. I don't need to exercise my fingers that much.
That brings us to today! Next up: time to tackle a huge list of big things I want to get done this week. Things like get Ashes' trip to Italy ready, getting The's savings account all set, getting back to work on editing Late Night Show. Oh, and planning for our New Year's eve party at Green Victoria.
I'm just happy I still have one more week out of work...I am going to need it..