Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

Soft serve.

Now that the play seems to be headed in the right direction, I can turn my attention to more important problems. And by that, I am of course talking about:

The dog's unnatural obsession with our kitten's crap.

No, seriously. We have to keep the bathroom door where the kitty does her business guarded like Fort Knox. Otherwise, the damn bitch will scamper in there and start sticking her nose in where it's definitely not wanted, hunting around for a turd treasure and then guzzling down each and every one as if she were sucking down shrimp at an all-you-can-eat buffet. choc ice cream

It's. Kind of. Gross.

Oh, and as a result, we have kitty litter droplets covering our mud room, which means we have to vacuum the damn area at least twice a week.

I actually asked one of the ladies at Kyra's doggie day care about this. It's not the most pleasant topic in the world, but this is the lady who never stops delighting in telling me that Kyra and her dog Wilson are best friends, and she can tell because they love to spend the day humping each other. I swear to God, every time I see her, she mentions the word "hump." Hump hump hump.

The other day I asked her, "Aren't you glad people aren't like dogs?"

And she said, "I know! Otherwise, I'd be sniffing your butt and humping you right now!"

I can't lie. Even for me, that response made me a little mortified. I changed the subject, really quickly.

Oh wait. Where was I? Oh, right. The all-you-can-eat buffet. So I asked her about it, and she didn't bat an eyelash. "Oh yeah, there are a bunch of dogs here who love doing that! We have to make sure that the poop is taken care of right away, or it will get gobbled up before you know it."

Then she paused. Oh, God. A pause. She lowered her voice and moved in for the kill. "In fact, this is kind of gross, but--""

Inwardly, I steeled myself. Because I just knew, I just knew, it truly was REALLY going to be gross...

"--there's this one dog here that must have really sweet-tasting poo, because the other dogs don't even wait for it to hit the ground! The minute her butt puckers, they are racing over to taste what comes out! I tell you, her butt is like a soft serve ice cream dispenser!"

Without the cone, evidently. You just stick your mouth under the dispenser, pull down on the handle and out it comes...

Anyway, we're moving the kitten's litter box downstairs into the cellar REAL soon.
Tags: green victoria, home
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