I posted...oh, I am so ashamed, I can't even type this...
I posted a photo of the inside of Corb's underwear drawer.
Or at least, you'd have thought it was shocking, from the reaction I received from Corb! He was appalled that I had done such a thing! He was mortified that I had given people a glimpse into this most intimate of places. And his biggest complaint? The one thing he was horrified and worried about, more than anything?
"People will see that I like to wear...colorful underwear."
GASP! No, no, anything but that! People will think you are actually wearing bright reds and blues and even Batman underwear, rather than plan white skivvies? Such a thing cannot be allowed to happen! And think of the embarrassment to me: the man I love has been revealed to be a colorful underwear lover. How can I show my face in public again?
And really, the color of the underwear wasn't even the reason I posted the photo. I was cleaning up in the morning (well, just barely) And I came across a pair of his whooshy shorts that needed filing away, and went to his bureau to do so. I opened up[ one of his drawers, purely at random, and there I beheld...this:
I mean, look at that! Gaze on that! Contemplate that! There's some serious organization going on there, right? Each boxer, each brief, has been lovingly folded and then folded again into a neat little square, and then placed into the drawer and color coordinated to form a veritable rainbow of color.
Who does stuff like that? Apparently, my significant other. It's really quite impressive.
So, that's why I posted it. I was impressed. But from the reaction I received from Corb, you'd have thought I had revealed some dark family secret. You know Corb? He's...come here closer so I can whisper this...organized about his underwear. Can you believe it?
I wish I was as organized about my underwear drawer! Instead, mine typically looks like this:
Well, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration. I mean, maybe I don't ALWAYS have a butcher knife or an open container of spreadable cheese in my underwear drawer. I took that photo because at one point, after Corb had initially freaked out, he thought it would be funny to do an "underwear drawer challenge," similar to the ALS Ice Bucket challenge. So I put that photo together, posted it, and made up some fake charity involving naked underprivileged white boys in Newark, New Jersey and then challenged three friends to out their drawer or be forced to pay up.
Sigh. No one gets my sense of humor. I took it off after an hour, because I just KNEW I was offending someone.
I mean, I guess I get it. Just looking at all those rows of underwear, I guess it is a little...well, intimate. You almost start picturing in your mind the person who owns that drawer wearing these articles of clothing. So, okay, yes, perhaps it is a little titillating.
But is it really that big a deal? It was for Corb. Six hours later, and he was still going on about it. "Will people think I'm a freak because of my underwear drawer?" he asked, as he was chopping up lettuce to make a delicious Caesar salad.
"No, Ashes replied, with perfect timing. "People think you're a freak for so many other reasons."
Well said, Ashes. But what does Corb's underwear drawer really say about him? Not that he's a freak, not at all. It says he's neat and organized and a creative person. So maybe underwear drawers really do reveal a side of yourself that people don't actually see. Maybe they do say something about you as a person. But that's all good stuff, in Corb's case!
Mine, on the other hand...well, maybe that VHS copy of Pink Flamingos could be tossed out...