Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

On budgeting and other oral fixations

Been too long, but last night I met up with two of my oldest friends, way back from high school: Pauline and Mary Buns. Oh, we see each other fairly regularly, but never just the three of us. So, last night, I ditched the Corbster (and that didn't depress him...he went shopping) and drove myself over to Pauline's house, to sit a spell with the girls. Naturally, the conversation drifted to two subjects: budgeting and blow jobs.

"So, I hope this isn't too personal a question," Pauline started, whipping her naturally dyed auburn hair in my direction. Now, I bet you think it was about the blow jobs, but actually: "How do you two break down who pays the bills in your house?"

"Oh, I pay certain bills and Corb pays certain bills," I replied. "I pay our mortgage...and Josie's mortgage...and Josie's HELOC..." I paused a moment, suddenly depressed.

"Tom and I keep everything together in one account and just pay everything out of it," replied Buns. "It's easier that way. He's really good about remembering to pay bills on time, but I'm really good at record keeping, so it works out. How do you handle budgeting, though?"

Budgeting? Oh, ugh...

"Oh, I just add up everything we take in and then subtract everything we take out," replied Pauline. "And then set aside an amount each month that we can spend. John gets a little bit more because he has to travel farther than I do, but so far, we've been pretty accurate."

"Tom is really cheap," replied Buns, who, by the way, bears a striking resemblance to Ann B. Davis, especially now. "In fact, we are getting rid of cable because he is on a tear to save money."

I have to be honest, I didn't contribute much to this conversation. For Corb and myself, our idea of budgeting is shopping at Wal-Mart for groceries and trying not to eat out more than three times a week. In other words, we totally, completely suck at budgeting.

We are much better at blow jobs, however. I completely ruled at that conversation!

"John loves it, but I wish I could get better," said Pauline ruefully. "I hate going down all the way. It makes me gag. One time I even completely threw up!" (And I thought to myself, hmm, that must have been a lovely evening...)

"Why don't you use your hand and grab on to the base?" I suggested. "That way, you don't need to go down all the way, and you can really focus on the most sensitive areas. I mean, let go every now and then, but that gives you a firm grip."

Buns nodded. "That's what I do, too."

"Oh! But don't just keep on going. Stop every so often, just as he's getting into it. Stop, and pause for a few seconds, and then grab it and start on it again, slwly and then building up speed. And then, stop again, just as he's getting into it again. He probably won't be able to last more than four of five times with that." I paused. "Well at least, that's been my experience."

Incidentally, I have always found the topic of oral sex to be great bonding topic for gay men and the straight women who love them. A few months ago, when I had just started my current job, I came out of a rough meeting with two female co-workers, and one of them said, "Well, that really sucked dick." and then looked around at me, really guilty. "Oops, didn't mean to say that!" I just laughed and said, "And who among us hasn't, really?"

We've been great friends ever since.

Tags: finances, sex
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