Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

My Unasked-for Review of the latest Harry Potter movie

"This is going to be a miserable experience."

I closed my eyes and gripped my hands against the sides of my seat.

"I'm starting to feel nauseous already."

What was Theo up to? That's it, I'll pay attention to what Theo's up to. That might take the attention away from...

"Two hours." Deep sigh. "I'm going to have the worst pain in my neck by the time that this thing's through..."

Finally, I turned to Corb, and whispered to him, trying to make myself heard against the crash and bang of the coming attractions. "I told you, there were three seats a few rows back."

Corb squinted his eyes. "Huh?"

I raised my voice, just a bit. "I told you--three seats, few rows back! WE COULD MOVE!"

"But there are four of us."

I tried my best to make my voice sound pathetic and small, and still have it heard over a preview of Balls of Fury. "I can sit alone, if you'd like."

Corb shook his head, seeing through my ploy. "No. That's okay."

"Or Theo could sit on my lap!"

Corb stared at me. "Or not. What happened to the 8:45?"

"The wha--?"

"THE 8:45!"

"Oh, I asked the ticket person about that. Turns out there isn't one. Those people who said there was an 8:45 here were wrong. THEY DESERVE TO ROT IN HELL! The next movie is 9:45."

"Guess we're stuck here, then."

Why does it happen, every time? I always make sure I buy our tickets online, so we don't have to stand in line, but we always arrive just before the movie starts, meaning we always get stuck in the first row. Which means that we have to crane our heads to look up at the screen, and Corb has to duck his head, a bit, so that the people behind him won't get mad. If anything rushes across the screen, it's all a blur.

I tell you, it's incredibly frustrating. But if you're ever in a movie theater, and see a tall blond guy and a devastatingly handsome bald man bickering in the front row, you'll know exactly what's going on: Corb and I have shown up, once again, right before the movie's about to start, and we're going to pay the price for it, too, with two first-class pains in the neck.

Oh. The movie? Well, let me say this about that: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix was, in this guy's opinion, the weakest novel in the series. I always write notes on the inside front cover of any book I finish, along with the date I finish it. Here's what I wrote for this one: "long, doesn't build to a satisfying climax, and has a major plot flaw."

The movie, in contrast, was my favorite in the series, so far. The "two hours and change" limitation forced the production team to cut out all the excess crap, which included, thankfully, the plot flaw. This, I think, provided the director with an inch (not a mile) of artistic license (unlike the first few films, directed by Chris Columbus, which were slavish retreads). For me, that made things more enjoyable. Everything wasn't quite as predictable. (In case you haven't guessed, I really don't give two hoots how true to the author's vision movie adaptations are...I'm not there for the book, I'm there for the movie. The same holds true, by the way, for the theater, as well.)

The final fight scene in the Ministry of Magic, as with the book, was the most exciting part of the story. And, is it me, or was there a deliberate nod in the fight between Harry and Voldemort to other classic works of fantasy (namely, in this order): Star Wars, the Exorcist, and A Wrinkle in Time? Watch the movie from the point where Harry's magic butts up against Voldemort's magic, and perhaps you'll see what I saw.

Oh, and one more thing: two of my favorite things about both book and movie are the outrageous, off-the-wall incredibly wicked females. Professor Umbridge and Bellatrix Lestrange are essentially two sides of the same shrieking harpy, and practically leap off the screen in a cackling fury.

Theo, on the other hand, didn't think it was as good as the last one, so if you're looking for the opinion of a ten-year-old, there you are.
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