Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

My friend Drood told the funniest story in his journal. I hope he doesn't mind me sharing it...but I'm still sniggering...

Mr. Mayo motioned over to me. “Come hyuuh, John,” he said. “Yuh like a good story?”

“Sure,” I said.

“Sit on down then, sugar. Listen up. Thyuuh was a boy, and he was a beautiful boy. Well-built boy. Broad shoulders ‘n’ everythin’, yuhknow.” He made a shape with his hands like an inverted triangle. “An’ so he was like to decidin’ he’d be a model. So he went to the modelin’ agency an’ he said, ‘Hey, I want t’be a model, hot dawgit!’ An’ the modelin’ man said, ‘Well, we gotta see yuh nekkid, boy, strip down. Take off them god-damned clothes.’ So the boy, he strips down and he’s beautiful, hooooo. Bronzed!

“But thyuuh’s a problem, y’see, the man tells him. ‘You got this white strip across your middle,’ he tells him.” In a tone of confidence to the nurse, he added, “Y’know, down there. Anyway, he says to himself, ‘Aw hell, that ain’ nuthin’. I can take care o'that!’ So he goes down to the beach, and he digs a hole in th’ sand, an’ he covers up everythin’ with sand but that white strip across his middle, so it’ll get all tan. His head an’ everythin’.

“So a li’l bit later along comes this woman, an’ she’s walkin’ her dog, an’ she says, ‘Fido, what’cha found, boy?’ Then she sees what she sees, and she puts her hands onner hips and she says, ‘Y’know, when I was twenny I didn’t know what t’do with it. When I was forty, I couldn’t get enough of it. When I was sixty, I even paid me a little for a bit of it. Now that I’m eighty and don’t give a good god damn, I’m findin’ it growin’ wild on the beaches!”
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