Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

The Callous Case of the Bleach Blanket Bunions

Now here's something you don't want to see every day.

At Ashes' cheerleading competition on Saturday, we sat directly behind the owner of these lovely little fungus-covered piggies.

Now, I ask you. Really, be honest. You're sitting in a stadium filled with thousands of screaming cheerbots. Your feet start, oh, I don't know, itching, maybe? So, would YOU feel comfortable enough to take off your shoes and rub your bare feet all over the chair in front of you?

Apparently, this woman did.

That's it, lady, take those piggies and just cover the back of that red plastic chair with your sweaty old foot, would you? Spread that foot wax all over it...yeah, that's good. Feels good, doesn't it? Yes! Yes, mark your territory, like a dog on a fire hydrant. That's it, baby. Maybe you can even scrape some of the fungus off your big toe, while you're at it. I know that I'd like nothing better than to sit down and rub my head right up against a nice flaky pile of toejam. Mmmm, maybe I can even sprinkle some of waxy crust onto my super nachos, while I'm at it.

I mean, what is it with some people? I'll admit it, I take off my shoes at work, at my desk. Sometimes I'll even run to the fax machine in my socks, if I'm under the gun, on deadline. But I don't think I've ever taken off my shoes and rubbed my bare feet up and down onto the seat in front of mine. Even if my feet had just received a pedicure, I don't think I'd have the confidence...which, clearly, was not the case here.

And what's going on with that little piggy, anyway? There's, like, this huge buildup of toenail material on it, like some weird sort of shellac. It looks as though it has a toenail helmet, frankly. What's it protecting? Is it afraid that it's going to end up as yellow and scabbified as the big sister that went to market?

Corb thinks that toes are incredibly ugly. I think this woman's toes are incredibly ugly, but toes, as a general rule, don't have to be ugly. Some are quite cute, actually. Just look at loveisagypsy, for example. Toes to die for! But for the lady in this picture, I was just hoping that her feet would shrivel up and disappear like the Wicked Witch of the East in the Wizard of Oz .


No, that's not a tribble, a ferret, or an ocelot. It's a wig that fell off during one of the routines. Do you think that the judges took points off for "wig slippage"? Do they actually have anything in the rulebooks about that?

Maybe beehives. Those could be dangerous, especially during splits.


If you're thinking I sound snarky, you're probably right. We were told that the event started at two, that Ashes would go on at six, and that the awards ceremony would end at eight. Ashes and her team didn't go on until ten, and the awards weren't handed out until two in the morning. Even the musicals I direct don't run THAT long!

At one point, the EMTs were called to the floor of the auditorium. Josie tapped me on the shoulder and asked, "What happened?" I yelled back, "Somebody just died--of BOREDOM!"

Still, Ashes and her team did a terrific job. Just saying, that's all.
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