Saturday night was Corb's "friends" birthday party--we crowded around a long table at Dick's Last Resort in Boston, while the waitress, a cheeky thing, verbally abused us and threw napkins and forks at us. We saw more bridal showers held that night, including a four girls that came in as welders, with hard hats and short pants that really showed off their ass-ets. And, the food was delicious.
Anyway, today's post is dedicated to the stupid hats that Dick's puts together and forces people to wear throughout the night. Oh, and the waitress. Naughty girl. She kept saying suggestive things to us. Like, when she brought up meat, she went and stuck her boob in Corb's face. I was lucky enough to have my ass pinched by her. At one point, Corb, who she discovered early was having a birthday (don't worry, I have a picture of his hat later) complained about having to wear his hat all night, because it was too tight on his head, and she screamed out, "Stop your fucking complaining or I'll attack the kid with a fork!" The "kid" was Theo (don't worry, I have a picture of his hat later).
No, the lady in this photo was not part of our party.
But before that, on a crabby note, this morning, I woke up screaming, because I was having a weird dream that took place on the docks of New York. I dreamt that three workers in brown overalls were disassembling a piece of artwork--a painting--that resembled an asterisk, except it had three spokes, not five. Every time they would start to disattach a spoke, the artwork would assume three separate looks--at times art deco, at times Renaissance artwork, at times pop art.
Suddenly, the spokes came apart, and I, who had been observing the scene, became part of the action. A giant scorpion wiggled out from between the boards, flying through the air with its tail wiggling about, and stung me on the neck. I woke up, screaming and grabbing at my neck. And oddly enough, I have a red bump on my neck, now. It feels kind of weird, so either I was somehow able to make the scorpion come true in real life, or something started nibbling me while I was sleeping, and I sucked it up into my dream.
I know it's his birthday, but do you really think that people are going to take Corb up on his offer and spank him THERE?
Speaking of which, as we were walking through Boston, after the kids had gone home, a future bride rolled down the window of a stretch limo and stuck out a giant balloon penis. "Woo hoo!" she yelled. "You're all just jealous because you'll never get something THIS big!" For some reason, I think that girl's going to be awfully disappointed on her wedding night.
And speaking of size, is anyone else besides me feeling bad about poor Pluto being kicked out of the list of official planets? I know, it's only a relatively huge chunk of rock in the sky that shares an orbit with Uranus, but even so, it must really suck to be invited to a party for fifty years, only to be kicked out and moved to a sub shop.
So, it's raining today. Which just makes me mad. I have the week off, and the kids, and we were planning to visit my sister Kerrie at her beach house. I don't think that that will happen, now, and I know that the kids will be disappointed.
Last night, we had a "guy's night at home," just Corb, Theo, and myself. We ended up watching "History of the World, Part One," which wasn't entirely appropriate, so I kept ordering Theo to cover his eyes. But I did really enjoy watching it again. My favorite performance are now little bit parts: Chloris Leachman playing a revolting French peasant, and Bea Arthur playing an unemployment insurance worker. And I do think that when Mel Brooks dies, they should play "The Inquisition" as part of his memorial service. It probably is one of the consistently funniest, most compact things he's ever done.
Going back to sleep. Hopefully, I won't get bitten by any more art deco scorpions! Although, if a scorpion bowl appears in my dream, I won't knock it. I'll just drink it.