Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

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Tired tonight. Went to visit Lauri this morning. She feels as though part of me went into hibernation when I was nineteen, and is only now awakening. Perhaps she's right.

In the past, I would have blamed this self-imposed hibernation on Steven, arguing that he hurt me so badly that I became dead inside, but the truth of the matter is, I always hid this aspect of myself, even when I was with him.

I chose instead to take up the garment that I felt society expected me to wear, even though it was ill-fitting and uncomfortable for me. And I almost convinced myself that it was the right thing to do, although I think deep in my heart there was a part of me that was slowly dying each day, slowly being smothered by the fabric I had crafted for my life.

Thank God for Josie. She's kept me sane though the years. She is truly my best friend, my love. I can only pray that we can get through and stay close, although our roles may very well change.

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