Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

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Old McDonald

Today we went to the Marshfield County Fair, which I think was really one of the nicer summertime fairs I've been to. A little expensive, but they had some nice free events that were entertaining, such as a pig race, live (as opposed to dead) bird show, and livestock demonstrations.

The pig race was great. Little baby piglets ran around a track with names like "Elvis Squeaksly" and "Tammy Faye Baker." This was all great fun until they broke through from the barrier that separated them from the audience and started to visciously gnaw on several small screaming children.

But peace was soon restored, the piglets were gathered up, and the kids all received really nice commemorative bandages (complete with the catchy slogan, "My bacon bit back") at a discounted rate of 10 percent off the low bargain price of $15 per bandaid. Plus, we were able to watch the little piggies get slaughtered and then gutted for tasty hot dogs that were auctioned off later on in the evening.

Thankfully, the live (as opposed to dead) bird show was even more entertaining. In fact, just for variety's sake, they did sprinkle in some dead birds into the act just to keep us on our toes. No, seriously. They had these birds (parrots, mackaws, etc.) doing amazing things. Rollerblading, riding a skateboard, hangliding, dropping small unobstrusive explosive devices throughout the fairground on the heads of unsuspecting octogerians. The grand finale was amazing: the lead bird (I believe her name was Polly Wanner) swam through a vat full of acid, climbed over a thicket of barbed wire, set off several fireworks while singing the Star Spangled Banner, and then deep fried herself in a container of grease! The tasty parrot wings that this trainer served for only $50 a bucket were simply out of this world.

Well, after all that, what can I say about the livestock demonstrations? Except that these were livestock DEMONstrations, and the Satanic rituals had to be seen to be believed...

Sigh. I think I'll take a little nap, now...

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