Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

Okay, that wasn't bad. I woke up about an hour early and just typed three pages. The cat kept rubbing up against me, looking to be fed, and my allergies were kicking in, but I resisted the insistent urge to feed or run to the bathroom and just kept typing away. (However, this is a really noisy cat. He just finished crunching away in his blue feed dish, and now is back in action in the bedroom, climbing up onto the windowsill, now hopping down again, now scratching himself, now attacking a balloon that one of the kids left lying around, now, with that soft little feline trill that I adore, scurrying across the floor and moving back into the kitchen. More crunching.)

I'm majorly resisting the urge to hop back in bed, however. Corb is fast asleep, lying on his right side, his arms folded across his stomach, his blond hair sticking up every which way. We slept in the big bedroom last night. We usually alternate between that and the litle bedroom, when the kids aren't around. Last week he hung up my comic book frames across this bedroom, so I'm surrounded by Fantastic Four issues 72 ("Where Soars the Silver Surfer!" and 232 (the first John Byrne) and a Jimmy Olson from the Jack Kirby era ""Everyone's in this one! It's a blast! THE BIG BOOM) and the return of the Red Tornado into the Justice League, and the first issue of Green Arrow, and that silly Legion of Superheroes issue where you discover that Element Lad has a few secrets.

I think that one thing that I've been wrestling with these past few months, and that became crystal clear to me after my birthday party, is my need to actually start taking responsibility for me life. Of making an impact. Everyone's responses to the party that Corb and Josie threw me were really nice, and I was really touched by what they did, but it suddenly occurred to me that I need to make good and truly be deserving of this wonderful gift that I've been given. I've been given the luxury of a soft landing. Not everyone gets that. I need to be worthy of it. I need to live up to their expectations.

I'm not saying I'm bad, but am becoming increasingly aware of the fact that I spend a lot of time doing stupid things, and fucking around, and I just need to try to buckle down and get serious. Take the Mediation Center event. Yes, I did okay with the publicity, but the truth of the mater is, on Monday, the reception started at 5:30, and I took a break from my writing at 4:45, and screwed around on LJ until 5:15, and then realized that the camera's battery wasn't working that I was going to use that night, so I left and started hunting around for a camera store, and it was cold and miserable out, and I got lost, and even though the event was at the Rhode Island Foundation, one of the easiest places to find in the world, I ended up arriving at 7:15, at which point only a few board members, and Kelly, remained. I felt as though I let her down, wasn't there to hear her speech, or take pictures. I felt---irresponsible. As if everything else I had done was suddenly completely meaningless.

I no longer wish to feel that way any more.

Okay, I'm taking five minutes to snuggle next to Corb, then it's time to go take on the world.
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