Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

There are too many freaking deadlines right now!

I'm still at work, killing time before I have to go to a dinner tonight. Ho hum. I should probably just go to the car and listen to the Red Sox game. Sounds as though Nomar actually got a hit.

On the topic of the Red Sox, I hate to say it, but Pedro was way out of line during the brawl this past weekend. Whether Zimmerman was charging at him or not, that doesn't give you the right to grab a 70-year-old guy by the head and shove him down. All the Red Sox fans I know vehemently disagree with my position, but as far as I'm concerned, they're just riding the company line. Sports allegiances should never blind you from discerning between right and wrong.

On another note, I saw Lauri after a six or seven week gap. I did cry during the session. I've actually only done that twice before, and I think it's interesting to consider what has provoked emotional outbursts.

The first was a discussion of Josie, and it was actually when I was talking to Lauri about a Live Journal entry I wrote that described our very complex relationship (or is it, actually, quite simple? The situation is complex, probably, but true love is simple and true...) The second was during a discussion about the kids.

This time was about me. And not about me now. It was about me then. One year ago. Who I was. What I was keeping inside. The sadness I felt was over the turmoil, the repressed feelings, the terribly broken person that I was then. I just feel so bad for that person. And that's just how I referred to him--that person. That's not who am I am any more. I'm not sure if I'm any better these days. Well, then again, maybe I do know that...I'm poorer, but emotionally much stronger.

Lauri also said that I was finally able to clearly define who it is that I wanted to be. And perhaps that is an advancement. I'm a creative person, who lives for new ideas and new thoughts and interesting people and different ways to see things. I am not interested in the conventional. I have very little interest in "things." I tend to stick up for the underdog and rebel against the voices of the elite smothering the efforts of the individual. I guarantee I will not be in Public Relations in two years and I also guarantee Amelia will be published, in some way shape or form. The momentum's there.

There is one thing I said to Lauri at the end that I think rings true. I think, ultimately, that when it's all said and done, when you look back upon your life, there are two things that really matter: what you've accomplished, and the strength of your character. And I have very high expectations for myself on both fronts.

Oh. Expectations. Amelia deadline today. Still more work to do.
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