So many things I need to write down. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends. All those who helped me move, all those who have written to me, My Mom and Dad, even my boss (I cried in his office today...yeah, I know. So shoot me. I don't give a shit if it sounds unmanly or not, frankly) and in particular, my brother Tommy.
I have never been so touched by the kindness of a relative in my life. Tommy has called me on multiple occasions these past three days, just to help me see this through. For someone who I was not particularly close with during my teen years and twenties, this bonding that we're experiencing is for me such a Godsend. He has been so supportive, so encouraging, so strong. I love him a great deal, and I am simply overjoyed to discover firsthand what a terrific guy he truly is.
And Saturday, I received a letter from...of all people...my sister, Laurie. She wanted to let me know how badly she feels about what's going down with Josie and me, and mentioned the tough times in her life, and how, once she came out, she discovered that she was actually stronger for the experience. And she indicated that she felt bad that we couldn't speak.
Come to find out, my brother Tommy was at the heart of this, too. Apparently he chewed her out royally for some of the things she's done to me through the years, during her last visit home, and she was forced to acknowledge that yes, perhaps there are reasons that I hold a grudge.
He pointed out to her that the whole situation is ironic--that she, out of all the family members, should be the ideal person for me to be talking with (she's a lesbian), and yet, we refuse to even speak to each other. He even discussed our last big fight, and argued my side so well that she had to acknowledge she had been out of line.
That fight was over a story, of all things. It was a long story I wrote called "When Diamond Dawg Went to Call," and it's in first draft form still, because, in large part, of our fight. I gave it to her impulsively because she was the only person, besides Josie, that I had told about my relationship with Steven, and I wanted to share with her my struggle through the years--in college, and with my sexuality, which was so intrinsicly a part of my relationship with Diamond Dawg. Diamond was a gay man who lived with Josie and me for two months, and someone I grew quite attached to. When he left, I was a basket case.
I was trying, in a very indirect fashion, through that story, to work through my attraction to men. And I guess that by sharing it with her, I was hoping for..understanding? Perhaps a discussion? Perhaps a thanks for sharing?
Didn't get that. She didn't like the story, and hated the name of the main character.
(I posted the story on my web site, btw. It really is long and boring, though.)
Tommy indicated that we're going to all end up growing old together, and attending funerals..and it's better to bury the hatchet now, while we still can. He's a good man.
Josie, I'm sorry that I've been so cold these past few days. Monday night really shook me to the core.