Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

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Thursday night

Thursday night Josie and I went with our friend Chris to a gay bar in Providence. It was a nice night, and I really enjoyed myself. Of course, I felt a bit apprehensive before going. I always do.

Chris was very naughty with Josie, grabbing her breasts and giving her a huge kiss on the neck. She was quite thrilled and flattered by it. I was amused. I also was feeling a bit more open about things, and told him my French maid story from a few weeks ago.

The dancers were quite cute. Both were very blond. One was a bit more well endowed than the other. Both were pretty hairless, which isn't my favorite.

It's funny how things have changed in such a short period. Less than a year ago, I was living a life in complete darkness, and couldn't see any hope in sight. Even a month or so ago, I was living on Spotlife (a web site), pretending to be a girl named Cera, and trying to snatch images of other guys. It was pretty pathetic. But these past few weeks, that desire has greatly diminished, because I've actually started to talking to other people, and like a floodgate, the desire to communicate who I am--not hiding behind a facade, not hiding behind a make believe name--has taken center stage.

In fact, I think often of trying to do something--once I really get my head straight--to help other people who may be hiding behind such a mask, who may be scared to accept who they truly are. I know how much I've suffered through the years and if I could just be able to tell my story--and show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel...and show the dehabilitating effect that hiding who you are truly has...I may have found my true calling.

The next novel? I don't know. had long considered writing a book about Steven, but tend to feel there's greater marketability in fiction.
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