Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria
tedwords

Beware...I bite

Tonight I have a headache. Spent much of the day working on BCPs (Boring Corporate Products). Had four major pieces to work on, only completed three--one Press Release (a pretty big one), meeting minutes and the next issue of my publication. Did good work on the latter--have now completed most articles, save one interior.

I feel angry tonight. Josie says she's been reading "The Other Side of the Closet" and she's described a rage she's feeling, relating to some of the experiences described in the book. Well, I'm angry, too. Angry that this society is so unaccepting and rigid, and made me feel compelled to hide my sexuality, to repress it. Angry at my family for drilling into my head that my feelings were wrong, bad, to be denied. Angry at my sister Laurie for totally humiliating and criticizing me for years, only to come out of the closet herself...and to then be accepted with open arms by the family. I doubt that would be the case if I announced that over turkey dinner.

Most of all, angry with myself, for not possessing the courage to say, "Fuck you, I am who I am" at an earlier stage. One thing Steven was right about--I should never have cared what people thought about me. I would have been much happier trying not to please.

I still would.
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