I feel angry tonight. Josie says she's been reading "The Other Side of the Closet" and she's described a rage she's feeling, relating to some of the experiences described in the book. Well, I'm angry, too. Angry that this society is so unaccepting and rigid, and made me feel compelled to hide my sexuality, to repress it. Angry at my family for drilling into my head that my feelings were wrong, bad, to be denied. Angry at my sister Laurie for totally humiliating and criticizing me for years, only to come out of the closet herself...and to then be accepted with open arms by the family. I doubt that would be the case if I announced that over turkey dinner.
Most of all, angry with myself, for not possessing the courage to say, "Fuck you, I am who I am" at an earlier stage. One thing Steven was right about--I should never have cared what people thought about me. I would have been much happier trying not to please.
I still would.