Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

Rules for friendship?

Today, a particularly dramatic (and, if I have to admit it, needy) friend of mine posted the following on Facebook:

Let me get something out this morning. If I've sent you numerous messages and you don't reply, it speaks volumes of the value you've placed on our relationship. Friends don't ignore each other. Friends don't not contact you for months on end. Friends don't only contact you when they need something. Life is short. Keep it simple. Keep people in your life who value you. Disregard those who can't find time for you. You deserve better. I deserve better.

Now, I am sure it was probably directed at someone who offended him in some way and has nothing to do with me, and I know that I can be dramatic and needy in my own way (just had a Ted moment this past week-end, as a matter of fact), but these sort of "for all my friends to read" kind of posts really bug the shit out of me, to be honest. So, as nicely as possible, I replied as follows:

Well, I guess. The fact is, though, life can get a little crazy for folks. For example, I have three kids and a grandkid, now, and a really limited budget this summer, so I can't keep in touch or see half the people I'd like to. To apply your logic, most likely, half my friends should be dropping me. If that's the case, so be it, but I'd much rather prefer to think that true friends are the type that it doesn't matter how long the time has been, once you reconnect, that conversation just picks up where you left off. In short, friendship doesn't have to have limitations and terms and conditions placed on just is.

Now listen: I can see if someone has spent a ton of time contacting someone because they REALLY need to speak to that person, and that person repeatedly ignores them, saying, "okay, that's it. I can write that person off my list." However, that doesn't need to be done publicly. Just stop contacting them. Easy. Problem solved (well, maybe not easy, but simple enough.) And, I also disagree with "Friends don't not contact you for months on end." Sometimes, it happens. Life happens.

To place rules on friendship just seems silly to me.
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