"So, this afternoon, I was in a stall in the bathroom," I mentioned to Corb, as I was driving home from work.
"Okay," said Corb right away, cutting me off before I could get any further. "I already don't want to hear the rest of the story."
"Why? It's not a bad story at all!" I said mildly, as innocent as can be. "There nothing even remotely disgusting about it." I paused for a moment. "So anyway, I had this mess of steaming hot diarrhea all around me, and..."
"TED!" shouted Corb, frantically. "I DO NOT want to hear the rest of this story!"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous, I just made that up. Really, what I was going to say was that this guy moved in to the stall next to me. He had grey sneakers on, I remember that. So, I waited until he was situated, and then I moved out of the stall to the sink. And as I'm sitting there washing my hands, I suddenly start to smell something--"
"TED!" shouted Corb. I think if could have reached through the cell phone and strangled me, he would have.
"No, no, not THAT kind of smell. It was even stranger than that. It was the smell of a McDonald's cheeseburger. And I'm thinking to myself, why do I smell a McDonald's cheeseburger in this bathroom? And all of a sudden, I hear, in the stall, the distinctive crinkling of a hamburger wrapper!"
"No way," said Corb.
"Way! Someone actually had the nerve to bring a hamburger with them into the bathroom stall. I don't think that's really a good idea, do you?"
"I think it's a disgusting idea." Now it was his turn to pause. "Although I like to bring a bean burrito with me whenever I go into the bathroom."
"No, that's what you LEAVE in the bathroom," I countered. "I mean, were they really that hungry? Maybe they were embarrassed that they were eating a hamburger at three in the afternoon? I don't know, it was weird."
Maybe it's me, but there just seems to be something intrinsically disgusting about bringing food with you into a bathroom stall. Especially meatstuffs. Really, I can't think of anything worse to bring in the bathroom with you, other than possibly nachos or fondu.
Okay, fondu would be totally way worse, I guess. Where would you put the dipping bowls?
You know, I'm not really a huge stickler for bathroom etiquette. If you want to bring a cell phone with you in the commode, fine with me. Video games, reading material? No problem. But I do have to draw the line at food consumption. That just seems plain wrong.
Oh, and doing macrame. But that seems plain dangerous.