Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria
tedwords

Snidely and the Second Appletini.



I've been noticing a disquieting tendency among waitresses that I otherwise really like. It's happened to me twice in the last month, so I wonder if it's being taught in waitressing school, these days.

The waitresses in question are otherwise above reproach--outgoing, friendly, personable. They laugh at all your stupid jokes and put up with all your unreasonable demands. But if you order an adult beverage, and then they come around later on and ask you if you want another one...

Well, it happened last night. We were at dinner with Corb's mother and her boyfriend Jim. Jim tends to be an irritable sort, inclined to want everything on time and predictable. And we were under time constraints, because we were going to see the Holiday Pops concert in Boston at eight. So when she came over, the first thing he did was to bark out, sounding like the Crypt Keeper, "Now, we're under a very tight schedule tonight! So there'll be no lolly-gagging about, young lady, okay?"

I personally would have strangled him. Who ever lolly gags as a waitress? You're busy the whole time! And besides that, what the hell is lolly gagging, anyways? But she just smiled nicely and nodded her head.

I had ordered my traditional Appletini before Jim and Corb's mom had arrived, so by the time dinner was halfway through, my drink was finished. But even so, I was feeling a little buzzy, and had to drive into Boston on a busy night. Plus, I was following Jim into the city, who tends to drive really fast, and only sees things like red lights and lane markers as mere suggestions. No, really. He spends a little time in the left lane lane, then moves to the right lane, then back to the left lane. Most of the time is spent in between the two. It makes for an exciting ride. You never know where he's going to be!

I knew I only wanted water, even though what I really wanted was another drink, to be able to endure the ride into Boston.

So when the waitress came over and asked if I wanted another drink, I shook my head. "No, thank you," I said.

And she gave me this look.

As if she were shocked and hurt. As if I had just run over her kitten. It was one of those looks you see in the an old fashioned movie, where the villain has stormed into the house, grabbed the heroine, and tied her up to the railroad tracks. Like I'm Snidely Whiplash, or something.

"How could you not order another drink? How could do such a dastardly deed? How will I ever get over this? Sob!"

And then, she turned and walked away.

Honestly, I would have thought it was a personal tic or something, if the same exact thing hadn't happened to me about a month ago. The same exact reaction. From a waitress who had been just as personable and funny, otherwise.

So I have to think that some waitresses have decided to do deliberately, or have been encouraged to do by management, as a way to encourage people to drink more, because restaurants make so much money on drinks. And personally, I find that kind of irritating.

At least, really make it entertaining, if you're going to play that game.

Like, she could have yelled something out. "Murder! Murder!" or "This man's a basterd!"

Or, she could have burst into actual tears, and lifting a hand to her forehead, struggled to walk away.

Or, she could have spun around, grabbing her chest, pretending that someone had just hit her in the heart with an arrow. Shot to the heart...and you're to blame!

Or, she could have made a loud farting noise and screamed out "You big poop!" Or, "Looks like there'll be one less drunk on the road tonight. Freak!"

Anything, to make it entertaining. I may actually order another drink, after seeing a performance like that.

But no. You just get a little frown sad unhappy face. Irritating, I tell you. Makes me want to grow a wiry moustache and take up tying people to railroad tracks.
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