All right, all right, I confess. I hate to admit it, but I've being strongly tempted by the dark side.
The Sarah Palin dark side, that is. Get thee behind me, Satan!
See, I've been carrying a secret inside of me. These past few days, I've been desperately longing to pick up her hot-off-the-presses autobiography, "You Betcha!"
No, waitaminute, that's not the name of the book. What is it again? Oh yes..."Going Rouge"...that's right. Although why she'd want to call her book "Going Rouge" is beyond me. I mean, I'm sure she likes to use make-up to look pretty and all that, but I'm not really sure why she would want to name her book after...
What's that? Ohhh...oh! "Going ROGUE"...well, what the hell is that supposed to mean? It sounds like something I'd say if I decided not to wear underwear for the day or something. "I'm going rogue today, Corb! Hope the zipper stays zipped!"
Actually, I just looked up the definition of rogue, just now. One definition for rogue is "a dishonest person; a scoundrel." While perhaps accurate (I've heard she's contradicted herself a number of times promoting this book...but then, who doesn't, I guess), I don't know if that's an entirely flattering thing to admit. Especially if you're supposedly telling the "true" story of your life.
Another definition: "a tramp." Well, that sounds even less flattering, if you ask me...
Another definition: "In biology, usually an inferior organism." Well, she IS a nasty, small minded Republican, after all. But even so, I can't possibly see her admitting that in public.
Another definition: "A rogue elephant." Well, there you go! That makes total sense now, her being a Republican and all. So it either means she's going to gain two hundred more pounds and turn gray, or else she was paid peanuts for writing the book. Hmmm. Now, I know THAT'S not true.
That only leaves one last definition: "a playfully mischievous person." Could that be the definition? She's just a little pixy? A sly little Irish leprechaun with a twinkle in her eye? Kind of like Robert Troll from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood? Is that the Sarah Palin we come to know and love within the pages of her book?
No, wait, I think I've got it all wrong. Those are all nouns. Clearly, she's using "rogue" in this title as an adjective, like "Going Postal," or "Going Down." Hmmm, let me look at those dictionary definitions, once again. Oh! Well, that leaves us with two definitions: either "an animal with an abnormally savage or unpredictable disposition"...which kinda fits...or "no longer obedient, belonging, or accepted."
Hmmm. THAT must be what she means by the title. Still, even so, I'm not exactly sure that's an entirely flattering. I mean, maybe it says something about breaking from the pack, marching to your own tune, not taking orders from DA MAN. But who exactly is DA MAN, I wonder? John McCain? Her husband? The Alaskan people whom she gave up on? Damned if I know. Guess I'll have to go and read the book.
Which gets me back to my original point...I am so tempted to log onto Amazon.com and order the book! After all, although I would never vote for the woman, even if she were the only politician on earth, I have to admit, I find her immensely entertaining. Everything out of her mouth is worth a million, even her tonsil stones. I've been fascinated by her ever since we first met her at the Publican convention, along with that fabulously entertaining (and somewhat oddly named) family of hers. I love them all: Punjab and Boxcar and Dollop, and that husband of hers, Joe the Plumber. See? I know all their names.
In fact...no word of a lie, I almost went and bought the book, last night, online, at half price. The only thing that held me back was the knowledge that if I did, somewhere, somehow, twenty Democrats would lose their wings.
So, I controlled myself. Even so, though, I'm afraid that I'm going to lose control, sooner or later. Give in to weakness, to self indulgence. Go rogue.
Ha! I know, I've got an idea. Maybe there is a way to buy that silly book of hers that she didn't actually write one word of. Maybe all I need to do is to balance things out, tit for tat, in order to maintain the cosmic order of things.
In other words...well, maybe I'm okay if I buy her autobiography, but also buy Levi Johnston's Playgirl appearance at the same time. Hmmm, I wonder what's bigger, her book or his...spread?
Well, OKAY, if you insist. Grumble...the things I have to for fair and balanced coverage.
Gotta go. I've got a lot of reading to do!