"So, Ashes, how's Ben doing?" I asked, this afternoon, as we drove in the stang on our way to Annie's condo.
Ashes yanked her iPod earphones out, and the sound of Kelly Clarkson spilled onto her lap. "Ehhh," she said, and made a face. "I'm breaking up with him."
"Already?" I shook my head. "It's only been five days!"
"I know, but he's so boring," she said. "All I ever hear him talk about are playing drums and Slipknot, this band he loves."
I was more amused than anything. "Have you tried to talk to him about other things?"
Ashes shook her head. "Tried. He's so boring! Like, this morning, we were waiting for school to start, and I was ready to slit my wrists. Thank God Michaela's boyfriend came by. I was like, 'Ron, come save me!'"
"So did you see him at all after that?"
"He walked me to Cosmo after lunch, and gave me a kiss at the door." She wrinkled her nose. "It was sloppy."
And I thought to myself, hmmm, apparently she's a connoisseur of kisses. Interesting.
"Do you know, he brought his DRUMSTICKS into school with him the other day? Can you believe that?" Ashes shook her head. "And he always brags about how he has all this money? Like, because works at Food Basket? He was showed off all his money the other day--he had over a hundred bucks! But I asked him for a dollar fifty at lunch and he seemed annoyed and said he only had a dollar."
"I thought you said he was cute!"
She shook her head. "Ehhh. He's not so cute."
"And he was so sweet when he text messaged you to ask you out! Has he text messaged you lately?"
Ashes flashed me a mysterious smile. "Well, I kind of lost my cell phone." Somehow, I'm not sure I quite believed her.
"So when are you breaking up with this ugly cheap boring drummer boy?" I asked.
"Tomorrow," she said, smiling. "I asked Liz to dump him for me..."
"Ashes!" I said, shaking my head. And then, remembering. "But didn't you tell me his birthday was Friday?"
"So you're going to break up with him the day before his birthday?" I asked.
"Don't make me feel guilty!" she said, placing her hands to her ears. "Besides, it's better than having to buy him a birthday present, right?"
I don't know. My friend Buns says that she's a 16-year-old girl, and so she's entitled to be fickle, and I guess she's right. Even so, I feel a little sorry for the boring heavy metal drummer boy, although maybe, in a way, he brought it on himself. He did text message Ashes that he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend, after all, which is what I think set Ashes on this road. New girlfriends don't need to hear things like that, after all.
Personally, I would have waited until I had gone out on an actual date, before making my final decision. Even fickle 16-year-old girls should at least try and make it through one date, I think. I've been on the other end of THAT. I had one girl in high school who said she'd go out with me and then broke up with me after one conversation on the phone. And here I thought I was such a dazzling conversationalist.
Let's face it, young love is so wasted on the young. It's all full of fits and starts, and I like him but he likes her, and raging hormones that are eternally misdirected. Nothing's really changed since I was a teenager. Well, except for the fact that texting has replaced the fine art of passing notes.
And that's a shame, really, because I was quite good about passing notes. I could say so much in one blank piece of paper. It's hard to fit all that nonsense in one short text message.