Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria
tedwords

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Think you received crap for Christmas?

Some of youse (that's the Rhode Island equivalent of "you all") might have heard of a thing called a "Yankee Swap." It's a silly tradition where everyone brings one gift to a party and then is allowed to pick a number from one to--whatever. The person who is number one picks one of the wrapped gifts and opens it. Then number two selects, and if they don't like their gift, they can "swap" it with number one. Of course, the person who has number three has a wider variety of gifts to choose from, and so on, and on...

Before you feel too badly for number one, they actually are in a good position, because when everyone is done picking their picks, this person gets to go back and swap their gift for anything they want. So they really are in the catbird's seat.

Anyway, in our household, every year, along with my lifelong friends Buns and Pauline, we have a variation on this theme: It's called a "skanky" swamp. The rules are the same, but there's one twist: we deliberately choose the most disgusting, tackiest, most butt-ugly gifts that we can find.

Two years ago, for example, I wrapped up a pair of sneakers that I had used to mow my lawn all summer long--without socks. These white sneakers were covered with that slimy green you get from cutting down grass. They were truly rank.

That same year our friend Diane created a lovely birthday cake made out of tampons and maxi pads. It was the hit of the party.

Last year, I really decided to stretch my creative wings. Inspired by the controversy that was brewing in New York City involving Mayor Gulianni and his attempts to censor what he perceived as an offensive picture of Jesus, I gathered up some dog and cat droppings, picked up the paint brush and glue stick, and created a one-of-a-kind work of art. I only wish that I had a picture I could share with you. In fact, I do..I must find it...

For some reason, the winner of this "prize" left it behind...can't think why...
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