Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria
tedwords

"Ayeeeeeeee-ahhhhhhhhhh!"

Now, look...I really don't want to think there really is such a thing as a media bias...I like to think that with the glaring exception of Fox, most media types are fairly honest, decent folks, just trying to get at the story....whatever the story is that day.

However, I'm sitting there scratching my head wondering why else a photo like THIS would ever receive wide media distribution in a story related to Hillary's "Amazing comeback" in New Hamster...



I mean, look at her in this photo. Eyes bugging out, mouth opened wider than Linda Lovelace in Deep Throat. Finger poised in the air, sticking out straight at the camera, as if she were a political harpy, shrieking out to potential voters, for all to hear, "I'm going to turn you to STONE, sailor boy! Kneel before me! NO ONE CAN STOP THE POWER THAT I WIELD! ABANDON ALL HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER THE VOTING BOOTH! Ayeeeeeeee-ahhhhhhhhhh!"

In fact, that should be the caption: "Ayeeeeeeee-ahhhhhhhhhh!"

Just take a look at the photo, again, and then try to mimic the sound. Fitting, isn't it?

Look, imagine coming home, late in the night. You're all alone, and tired from a long day. You house is empty, no one else is there. You enter your bedroom, take off your shoes. The place is dimly lit. Outside, you hear the lonely sounds of an owl, calling out into the night. You take off your pants, and move to your closet, to grab a hanger. You open up the closet doors...

And Hillary the Harpie pops out, spearing you in the chest with her finger. "Ayeeeeeeee-ahhhhhhhhhh!"

I admit it. I'd shit my pants, right then and there. I'd run out of my apartment, only in my skivvies, screaming like a schoolgirl the entire way. Forget Linda Blair twirling her head around in"The Exorcist." The Harpy Hill is a SCARIER photo, man. If Bill's ever had to wake up to Hill looking a him with eyes bugging and mouth open and finger pointing, I don't know if I can now blame him for making some of the unfortunate indiscretions that he made through the years.

I almost expect her to sprout wings on the back of her designer pants suit at any minute and fly away from the podium, up into the air. "I'm queen of New Hamster, America! I'm FREEEEE!"

But let's face it. The truth is, there were literally hundreds of other photos from her primary acceptance speech that could have been selected. Many of them, from re-watching the video of her speech, actually show a fairly attractive middle aged woman. So why select something as horrible as this one?

The other day, when I was doing my New Hamster sunshine dance, evie_tess compared Hillary to Eva Peron, and not in a good way. To that, folkyboy replied, "If Hillary is Eva Peron, I'd HATE to hear that musical!"

But can't you see it? Can't you see Hillary in a variation of that classic opening Act Two scene, where Evita is about to address the people of Argentina, after her husband's victory, "dressed up to the nines/at sixes and sevens with you"? Only, in this scene, Hillary has won the 2008 general election, and is moving toward the podium to address an adoring thong..er, throng. The music in the background starts to swell up, and Hillary approaches the podium, opens her mouth to sing, and...

Suddenly, the peaceful music rip/shifts into heavy metal, Hillary opens up her mouth wide, bugs her eyes out, points her finger, and...



"Ayeeeeeeee-ahhhhhhhhhh!"

It's like something out of a Japanese horror movie.

But seriously. I have yet to see one article featuring Barack Obama that shows him in anything less than a flattering pose. Yes, he may be younger. Yes, he may be cuter. Yes, he's certainly a more forceful speaker. But seriously, I can't see one media service in their right mind choosing to run an Obama story with a photo of him portrayed in such an unflattering light. It's almost a visual commentary, if you ask me: "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, NEW HAMSTER?" This is what the photo seems to be saying, as counterpoint to the headline. And that's not fair.

It's almost as if they're sulking because they screwed up so badly in their polling. We'll get you, Hill. We'll turn you into the visual equivalent of the Howard Dean scream.

"Hey, Joe, I finished writing this here story about Hillary winning. What photo should go with it?"

"Hmmm...can you do me a favor? Find me the ugliest, most unflattering photo you can get. Preferably one of the ones where she was looking out to the audience, pointing and smiling and having conversations with imaginary people. Hey, see if there's one that makes her look like a Flying Monkey in the Wizard of Oz. That would be perfect!"

I mean, give her at least a tiny break, wouldja? It was her night, after all.

Then again, perhaps it would be fun to see other politicians, looking just as pug ugly.

Obama opening his mouth, with a pierce of broccoli stuck between his teeth.

Guiliani with his fly down.

John McCain taking his five o'clock nap, with drool forming in the corner of his mouth.

Ron Paul, looking...

Ummmm.....

Oh, well. Never mind.
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