Perhaps one family tradition that I don't really chronicle all that well takes place on New Year's eve--when Josie holds our infamous "Skanky Swap."
All that has to change.
I think that the idea itself is pretty clear. Way back in the days when Yankee Swaps first became the rage, my mother and father started holding swaps every Christmas. That tradition died over time, but Josie and I decided to take the concept and twist it just a bit. Originally, our "Skanky Swap" was supposed to be a giveaway for the ugliest, most obnoxious gift received for Christmas, but over time it became more than that, with people rummaging through yard sales and dusty attics to set aside the ugliest or most useless item encountered throughout the year, for proud presentation on New Year's eve.
Many a truly abysmal item has passed through this swap. Pictures painted in poop, stinky old sneakers, a New Year's cake made out of tampons and pads...and every year, my best bud Buns turns over whatever present she's received from her mother-in-law that year for Christmas--always some type of lighthouse decoration. "For some reason, she's gotten it into her head that I like lighthouses," said Buns.
By the way, that's Pauline holding the favorite gift of the evening. There was some fierce competition over that horny toad.
Buns husband won himself a lovely frog tape dispenser. Not nearly as popular as the horny toad!
Upon reflection, I think I overdressed for the party. Josie looked super--all flowing scarves and tight little top, squeezed into a pair of snug jeans, at least thirty pounds lighter than she was last year. She was a perfect vision of Lorelei Gilmore. I looked more like Lorelei's first season boyfriend, Max...the one she left at the altar. I was a picture of professorhood, in a tweed jacket and corduroy pants. All I needed was a few patches on my elbows to complete the look.
I do like the jacket, however. And my gift, although I decided it was more fun to make up presidential trivia, such as, "Dolly Madison was the first lady to have breast implants," and "Grover Cleveland was fond of greasing his enormous belly and let children take turns sliding down it." Who knew?jjj
Oh! Looks like someone was the lucky recipient of the Britney Spears manger! You know, it's not every daughter who gets something like that from her father...I think that Annie should either be honored, or check herself right into therapy...how dysfunctional! I know, I know, "That's SOOOO Britney..."
Britney Spears and brood aside, I think this has to be the skankiest of the skanky swap items this year. Who the hell would think of buying something this ugly? And surprisingly enough, it's one of a set of four that you can buy! Somebody somewhere has these pug ugly things as collector's items!!!
That person must live in a red state. I'm convinced of it.