As you'll recall, Corb advised me: "That thing takes him months to make. He's probably been working on it since July. There's no way in hell someone would shift gears and put together a Britney manger, even if he wanted to."
Well...sigh. I finally decided he was right. So, at nine o'clock that night, I caved in and moved on to Option B.
Which meant, of course, torturing Josie. Quickly, I called her up on the phone.
"Honey?" I asked, sweetly.
"Yes?" she replied, sounding as if she suspected, for some reason, that I was up to no good.
"Would you consider letting me put together a manger scene outside your house? You've got plenty of room, now that we don't have the deck, any more. Right?"
She paused. "What did you have in mind, Ted?" she asked, suspiciously.
"Oh, just a tasteful little manger scene, totally in keeping with the Christmas season," I replied. "With...well...maybe just a few interesting little variations..."
"Like what?" she asked.
"Oh, like...well, um. You know...nothing much. Just a few things...like, Britney Spears would be the Virgin Mary..."
Surprisingly, Josie didn't hang up on me. Although she did say that I would have to do all the work. I tell you, the things that woman has to put up with for child support!
So, with Josie's stamp of approval implanted firmly upon my buttock, my next step was to put together a prototype. And here, without further adieu, is my artistic interpretation...something I labored over all week-end...my own personal miraculous conception...may I present to you the birth of Jesus, Britney style...
First of all, you'll note that this is simply a straight-on shot. Perhaps those of you who are better with Photoshop than I am (dammit, I'm a writer, not a designer!) can help fix it up...I was really hoping for a "starry night" background, but just couldn't get it to work.
You'll notice that Britney is looking over her children. Since she has two, and I only had one cradle, I made the entirely sensible decision to make her children twins cojoined at the heads.
Next, you'll see that the three Wise Men--Perez Hilton, Chris Crocker, and P. Diddy, all have special gifts, of KFC, Taco Bell, and McDonalds. I thought Britney would appreciate that more than all that other stuff.
Next, you'll see K-Fed knocking outside her manger door, with a restraining order in his hand.
Also, the manger set I bought at the Christmas Tree Shop (isn't it classy?) came with a shepherd boy, so I decided to add in Justin Timberlake, just for good measure.
Notice that all of the barn animals have cameras attached to them. I decided to make them the paparazzi. Aren't I just too subtle???
Finally, it has been pointed out to me that some people may find my friendly little manger display a little offensive. All negative LJ comments can be directed to mylifetake2, who I'm sure will be happy to handle my hate mail! :)
Okay, I have to catch a plane in the morning...to Savannah, Georgia. I'm outta here! Have a great day, y'all.