Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria
tedwords

Why, Lord, oh why?

Is Corb making me watching this absolutely idiotic Victoria Beckham show???

This from the man who refuses to watch American Idol, and just made me promise, this evening to never make him watch The Singing Bee?

Oh yes, he'll turn up his nose at that. And yet, apparently, when it comes to watching Posh Spice, a double standard exists. No fair, I tell you.

Hmmm...David Beckham does look good with tattoos, though. Can they spend the hour just showing scenes of him?

Oh, look! Posh has a trophy dog, like Paris Hilton or Sharon Osborne. Remember that silent film actress who was eaten by her dogs? Wouldn't it be fun if Posh's precious puppy contracted rabies and turned on her, possibly when she was singing a Spice Girl song? I wonder what Spice Girl song would be good for her dog to snarl and snap at her face to? "Say You'll Be There"? "Wannabe"? maybe one of those really boring, tuneless songs that appeared on their last CD? that i would spend time watching.

Wow! We just learned that Posh can open doors! Amazing! What happened to the part of her brain that possesses the ability to realize that perhaps a reality show on her life would reveal her to be totally vacuous and inane?

Oh, look! Posh just hired Ugly Betty to work for her! How ripping.

Victoria Beckham looks way too skinny, if you ask me. I'm sorry, I don't find women like that to be attractive. I much prefer curves and hips. that's a real woman, to me. Honestly, when I first heard that Nicole Richie was pregnant, I thought to myself, "Wow, when she's three month's pregnant, that baby's going to weigh more than her." There's *nothing* attractive about that.

Especially when they place large sunglasses on their face. They make skinny blond women look like annoying insects. Honestly, if I ever had something looking like Victoria buzzing around my head, I'd swat it. This I swear. Or spray it with insect repellent.

Oh, and now we have a totally staged meeting with Perez Hilton. he apparently compares her to an alien. Nope, sorry. It's clearly an insect.

And now she's meeting with a bunch of L.A. socialites. Their faces are pressed tighter than cellophane on mixing bowl. One of them looks like Divine in Pink Flamingos. Divine has a talent, apparently: she can do a dolphin cry. That's entertainment for you!

I think that part of my brain is starting to dribble out of my ears. Corb, please help me. Please stop the pain. Please make the skinny insect stop annoying me. Please stop the dolphin wail. Please never make me have to watch this how ever again. This is a one-shot, right? Oh the pain, the pain...

Brain flashes to a simpler time, the days when shows like Lost In Space ruled the television universe. How far have we come in forty years?

THEN: Dr. Smith turns himself into a leafy orange vegatable.
NOW: Victoria Beckham turns herself into an annoying insect.

THEN: Dr. Smith calls the Robot a "bubble headed booby."
NOW: Victoria Beckham shows off her boobies to Perez Hilton.

THEN: Penny's monkey friend Debbie goes bezerk and grows ten sizes taller, terrorizing the Robinsons.
NOW: Posh's pet puppy contracts rabies and starts gnawing on her head, resulting in...

Oh, wait. Sorry. Darn that overactive imagination of mine!

10:35. Posh is shopping. I have aged three years in 35 minutes. Corb says he actually likes this show. Note to self: Corb will not only be forced to watch the Singing Bee, but I may just tape it and lock him in a windowless room, forcing him to watch it for 24 hours.

10:40. Although Corb has indicated that he's tired and wants to go to bed, he's still sitting on the couch, watching this inane piece of doo doo. WHEN WILL THE LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE END?

Ooops. He yawned. He said, "okay." Could it mean that...could it be that he might...oh please, lord. Please say the television's going off...please...I'll do anything...I'll even become a nun...

Click.

Night, all! I have to scoop brain dribblings back into my ear.
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