I’m traveling on US Airlines, which I never do. This airline has a series of television monitors that broadcast the safety information, and I have to tell you, I think that I like the corny jokes of Southwest better.
In order to convey a message of calm and safety, all the actors in the video appear to have been supplied with heavy amounts of Valium before the filming. So, for example, the voiceover announcer breathily intones, “All of our seats are equipped with air masks. In case of an emergency, the mask will falls in front of you. Simply take it, place it over your mouth, and breathe in normally.” To illustrate this, they cut to a woman with two children. There she is, happily reading her in-flight magazine, and suddenly, the air mask drops down in front of her, like a happy hummingbird dangling underneath her nose.
Any concern about such a potentially life-altering event? La, la, la. No, none whatsoever. She simply looks up as though she expected the mask to be falling, and then calmly places it over her mouth. Once she’s done, she moves over to her equally self-actualized child and places the air mask over her little mouth.
Okay, let’s get real here. Should said mask pop down in front of me, I feel really bad for the people around me. Because I would probably let out the largest shriek that anyone has ever heard, undoubtedly followed by an endless stream of “OhGodohGodOgGodwe’regoingtocrashhelphel
I don’t think they’ll be asking me to act in any of their in-flight commercials any time soon…
Damn. Damn. Damn!
I just realized that although I spent ages packing my suitcase...which Corb always teases me about...I managed to pack my black suit...and brown shoes. Damn!
Oh well...I have a nice brown shirt and pants, although no jacket to go with that. Why am I always such an idiot about these things?
My story about Ashes telling her school principal that her grandfather had met his maker has actually stirred up a few memories for me. One was triggered by a comment that clariyt made, about a time when she tried the exact same thing.
That got me to reminiscing, and it suddenly occurred to me that I am not completely blameless when it comes to playing the dead grandparent card.
When I was in college, my sophomore, I was having a terrible fight with a friend of mine that I had this mad crush on. The conversation ended badly, and in fact, we never actually spoke again, until about fifteen years later. I was devastated, and honestly couldn’t face the possibility of working that night. So, I decided to put my tears to use, and called in work, pretending that I had received word that my grandfather had passed.
I guess my acting job was acceptable. Jeannette, the lady who was working that shift, was incredibly compassionate, and volunteered to work my shift for me. I have to admit, though, that it was a little awkward, the next time I went to work, having to answer questions about the funeral.
I kept a poker face, however. I felt guilty, but I wasn’t stupid.
My friend Psychic Sue reminded me of another instance, too, involving our old acting compadre, Diamond Dawg. Toward the end of our artistic association with the Dawgster, things really started to fall apart. It was right after Josie and I tied the knot. Perhaps it was because he realized that Josie wasn’t going to elope with him…or me, either, for that matter.
Problem is, he was directing a play for us. His last contractual obligation. And, being a person who wants to do his best for people (and I can totally understand this now, having just lived through a similar situation, where my desire to please supersedes my common sense), he tried to see it through.
It didn’t last long, however. He came to a rehearsal drunk and surly, and picked fights with everyone in the cast. Then, the next day, he told everyone that he had received an emergency call from Tulsa, and that his father had died. He said that he’d be back in a week, but never returned, and I ended up taking over the production. It meant juggling two plays back to back, but I got ‘er done, and cursed Diamond Dawg all the way through.
I don’t, now. Poor Diamond was just stuck in a situation he didn’t want to be in. Frankly, he had done enough for us creatively where any sense of irritation felt over his skipping town was more than made up in the good work that he performed over four years.