Once upon a time, there was a short Jewish man who wrote a very funny story aout two guys who were looking to put on the worst Broadway musical ever created...and tonight, on television, their star was born...
"THAT'S OUR HITLER!"
Ted's Idol Rankings
LaKisha: Great song selection, but is it me, or does she seem to be holding something back? Why not just let go? And why is it that her movements are basically restricted to spreading her arms out? There's absolutely no emotion in her face at all. And those breasts could feed a third world nation. 8.0
Chris Sligh: You now, every time I see Melinda, I think of Gladys Knight. And whenever I see Chris...well...
My god, I do miss good old Moose. She was a great sport, getting all that green slime dumped on her all the time. And by the way, did you know that Sting started out his career as sort of a lounge act, belting out Elton John songs?
Oh, his act? Yuck. 5.0
Gina: Clearly, this girl idolizes Chrissie Hynde, not Gwen Stefani. Which is not a bad thing. That first Pretenders album is still one of the best albums ever. Even so, why do all inexperienced singers choose the "jazz hands" option when the don't know what to do?
Sanjaya: Oh. My. God. Is he deliberately picking the worst song he could possibly sing? No wonder Gwen Stefani (who looked ADORABLE) was pissed that he was singing it. But then, to dress like a dancing pretzel and then sing like he's a lounge lizard on Prozac? Makes no sense. I think he secretly wants this national nightmare to end, and wishes desperately he could get voted off. 1.0
Hayley: Flaccid 5.5
Phil: He should wear a hat more often. He looked and sang like a star...and I don't usually like him. 7.5
Melinda: I think it's interesting that both Melinda and LaKisha sang Donna Summer songs. The common link provided a stark contrast outlining why Melinda is a far more accomplished performer than LaKisha. LaKisha totally lacks charisma, while Melinda makes a song her own, without one movement wasted. 9.0
Blake: Ladies and gentlemen! Presenting...Phil Collins singing The Cure! I'll pass. 6.5
Jordin: Eh. I didn't like it, much. And that outfit...I think someone's missing a blanket for their picnic!
Chris: Okay, look. Do these guys have any sense of excitement at all? I think they've all been neutered, frankly. There's no one testical amongst the lot of them. And I want this kid to have testicals, too! 6.5
The Winner (Once Again): Melinda