Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

Picture Imperfect

Talk about Totally Television Ted...these photos were all taken during the past weekend, when das Corbster and I took Ashes and Theo to Canobie Lake, in New Hampshire. It was a great day, filled with a lot of sun, a healthy mix of rides and games, and, best of all, no vomiting (last year, we took Amber and Pauline, and Amber got sick halfway through. It may have been the Elvis impersonator.)

This photo was taken at the Flume. I wasn't about to pay twenty dollars, but I did steal the image. Me taking a picture of me.

Tying Up Odds and Ends

Well, Annie was offered a new job yesterday! Of course, she, it looks as though the wishes from Yarmouth are continuing to work their magic. I'm thrilled for her and hope that this new change will do her a whole lot of good.

In other news, as I was walking up the stairs to my apartment, I made it to the third floor, and there, as usual, were sneaker man's sandals, crusted in beach sand, sitting outside his door. The sandals replaced his smelly sneakers about two weeks ago.

But there was something extra in the sandals, today.

No, not butter. A note from our landlord, asking him to remove his disgusting footware.

One hour lady, they were gone, except for a small trail of beach sand.

If Ashes looks somewhat terrified, there's reason for that. When this picture was taken, she truly was.

And, of all things, she was scared of a ride where the fear factor was absolutely minimal. Even less than minimal. The ride was called "The Mine of the Lost Souls," and for the past three years, Ashes has had an attraction/revulsion thing going on with it. She's always wanted to go on it, but always chickens out at the last minute.

Believe me, the outside of the ride is the scariest part. It's all set up to resemble an old Western mine, only with "I'd turn back if I were you" signs plastered all around it.

Well, after having worked some magic with Theo and his bike, and Annie and her future, I was determined that some dumb old mine wasn't going to keep Ashes down. So, this time, I insisted that she get in line and stay there.

It wasn't easy. The line was long and took forever to wade through. Throughout the line, we endured tears, shaking, walk-outs, threats...

But, after having the attendant at the front of the line assure her it was, like, so lame, she finally made it into one of the little cars. The ride is basically a slow motion roller coaster with certain lame "scary" items thrown in along the way. We all crammed in the car with her, to offer our support.

She kept her eyes closed through most of the ride, quite frankly. Refused to open them. But by the end, she had her eyes wide open, and looked at me, and said, "That was it?"

Another fear met head on! I tell you, I may go into business on these things.

America's Got Talent?

It may, but this show is such a complete train wreck. Tonight I actually watched the whole thing all the way through.

The conductor of the train wreck has to be David Hasselhoff. Forget Regis. He's just a small annoying mosquito. But Hasselhoff looms over these proceedings, whipping his sunglasses on and off, every five seconds, punctuating every inane utterance with "you know." As if we really do.

Let's be honest. If I thought that David Hasselhoff's acting was bad, if I thought his tenure on "Jekyll and Hyde" was godawful, if I thought that "Jump In My Car" has the look and feel of a bad 80s video, then I never realized that all that pales in comparison to the cruelest cut of all--his personality. He breezes through these shows with all the sincerity of a Vegas lounge lizard. However, one redeeming feature: he has BEAUTIFUL eyes.

Hawf is surrounded by Brandy, playing Paula, and some English guy, trying to play Simon, and failing utterly. Simon talks tough and yet still manages to be charming. And most of the time, you agree with everything he says. This guy just comes across as slightly rabid, and I found myself disagreeing with him, each and every time.

But then, it's hard to agree with anyone when a show has such little talent on it.

Possibly the nadir was reached at the very end. Of course, the so-called "talent" was one of Hawf's picks (he must know this show is ridiculous and the only thing that can redeem it is to bring on the campiest acts possible).

So, he introduces "Leland the Magnificent." A drag queen in green hair, dressed as a bridesmaid descends from the ceiling, sitting in a hula hoop, with tape crosses stuck to his boobies. He looks like a green parrot in a gilded cage, squawking out inanities in broken English. For example, after his act is over, he says to Hassellhoff, "I'm honored to get a chance to perform in front of such a great actor."

"I didnt realize this show was Transylvania's Got Talent," said Corb, and walked out of the room.

Even at that, they wouldn't. This show should not be renewed, although it has kept me talking!
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