Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria

Birthday wishes

Another birthday down.

I think that the best part of the evening was actually the blending. When all the grandparents were there, and uncles and aunts, and friends of the family were there, it was great. We were all telling old stories, and laughing, and opening presents, and it was really nice.

It was after everything left, I think, that everything became a bit more difficult. And, frankly, I think if I would pinpoint any fault, it would be with me. I do want my journal to be an honest reflection of my life, after all, and sometimes that means that I can't make myself look all flattering and heroic.

I'm finding myself getting jealous of the interactions of the kids with Andrew. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and all that, but it hurts me sometimes to see Tiger being affectionate with Andrew, or Annie and Chad hanging with Josie and Andrew.

Last night, Josie was able to be free, and laugh heartily until she cried. But I couldn't do that. I felt really restricted. I wanted to break free, but I couldn't do it. I felt like a little old lady sitting at a park bench, clutching her purse and frowning in disapproval.

Corb said, "Well, I think of the kids as mine, in a way, too, Ted. You have to start getting used to that." And I want to, really I do, but it's hard for me.

We ordered from Rico's, our favorite greasy pizza dive. We have so many memories from Rico's, ordering vast quantities of food, swapping stories, smothering french fries in vinegar. I want to feel the freedom that I felt in past days.

The thing is, my oldest, Annie, is so like me. She's so sensitive, and picks up on things. I knew she could sense my discomfort, and didn't know what to do about it.

But, to be more positive, Theo (I'm going to call him Theo from now on, because Tiger gets so awkward for me) had a great night, and received a ton of presents. And my sister Kerrie totally bagged me about biting my toenails as a kid. But it's okay...I got to tell stories about her rocking as a kid, back and forth, before she fell asleep.

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