In the past, I would have blamed this self-imposed hibernation on Steven, arguing that he hurt me so badly that I became dead inside, but the truth of the matter is, I always hid this aspect of myself, even when I was with him.
I chose instead to take up the garment that I felt society expected me to wear, even though it was ill-fitting and uncomfortable for me. And I almost convinced myself that it was the right thing to do, although I think deep in my heart there was a part of me that was slowly dying each day, slowly being smothered by the fabric I had crafted for my life.
Thank God for Josie. She's kept me sane though the years. She is truly my best friend, my love. I can only pray that we can get through and stay close, although our roles may very well change.