Our mutual sickness society allowed us to spend the night catching up on movies. We started out with The Ring , which, believe it or not, I've never seen before. Apparently it's about a girl who drowns in a well and decides to study German Expressionism during her time in the afterlife. Her cinematic short catches the eye of a journalist whose parenting skills make Yoko Ono look like mother of the year, and it's all a stylish romp down Hitchcock lane from thereon in.
Even worse, we rented the deluxe edition, and I made the mistake of playing the "bonus disc," which really wasn't much of a bonus at all. It contained a truly abysmal film called "Rings: The Circle Widens," which must have been produced by some student filmmaker with way too much time on his hands. At least, that's what I'm telling myself. If it's anything else, then I really am scared. Why anyone bothered to feel that this piece of merde was worth including was beyond me. It was as though the student director had made the decision to insert himself into highlights from the original movie. Gee, I could do that. Hmmm...let's see...maybe I could borrow from the Exorcist and have Linda Blair vomiting, and then cut to a frame of myself, covered in goop. Brilliant!
After that, we watched Troy . I actually liked it, although I never realized that The Iliad contained so many references to Achilles' naked ass. "And then/Achilles entered his tent, and/ removing his blood stained warrior garb/sponged himself off, giving all to see/glimpses of his golden hued buttocks." And was it me, or did Achilles show more interest in his cousin than he did his Trojan princess? Well, you know how those Greeks are...they never want to leave their cousin's behind.
Okay, back to work...although I will tell you that I'm still convinced that a Kelly Clarkson Christmas album would sell like hot cakes. I've ever picked out a name for it: A Very Clarkson Christmas ...and look, I've picked out song titles, too...
Merry Christmas, daddy--now shut up and die
You're Perfect, I Love You, I Hate You, Now Self Destruct
All I Want for Christmas is a Drunken Slob