Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria
tedwords



I was in the supermarket today and the National Enquirer's headline was:

"Mary Kate's Mystery Scar!"

I don't know, what do YOU think Mary Kate's mystery scar looks like?

I kind of figure that it's shaped like Elvis, that it's on her right arm, and that it has big thick lips that actually move, and can whisper things to her in a low Southern drawl.

Then I thought, "Man, what a great new Olsen twins series that would make!" Can you imagine? They could produce an entire direct-to-DVD series of mysteries--starring "Mary Kate's Mystery Scar"! It'd be better than that "We'll solve any crime before dinnertime" crap they did when they were kids.

Picture this: Mary Kate and her sister would play Edna and Abby Licktepeen, a pair of hot blond private investigators, who are also dumb as stumps, only Mary Kate was bitten by a radioactive spider and it caused this scar that she has on her right arm (that's shaped like Elvis) to come to life and talk to her--and now it solves mysteries!

There's Mary Kate, floundering around, like a pickle on a beach, at the scene of the crime, without a clue what to do. Suddenly her scar says to her "Hey there, pretty lady, why don't you ask Professor Plum what he was doing in the conservatory with the wrench?" Or "that butler looks like a hunka hunka burnin' scumbag to me." And Mary Kate's on the job and ready to pounce!

And at the end of each adventure, after Mary Kate and Ashley are "caught in a trap" and miraculously escape, they'll look down at Mary Kate's arm and say, "Oh, mystery scar! You're the best!" And of course, he'll say "why, thankyouverymuch," and they'll all laugh and the show will end in a freeze.

I tell you, it'd make them another bazillion dollars.
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