Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria
tedwords

The penguin and the porn star

Although many things are looking up these days (even though money, I suspect, will soon be a looming issue), one thing I'm not happy with is the level of my writing. The play was fun to direct, it was terribly fulfilling in many ways, but on the other hand, it served as a terrible distraction, too: I had to set aside Amelia, set aside Late Night Show, set aside my nightly writing exercises.

Now it's time to get back into the habit, and I find that I'm having a bit of difficulty. I'm just not able to find the time, and when I do, it's not flowing smoothly just yet.

Case in point...I deliberately set aside a half an hour at the end of the day yesterday, and here's what I came up with:


The Penguin and the Porn Star:
John Holmes and Mother Theresa come together to keep the peace on the mean streets of Baghdad.

What happens when a nun known for her enormous heart and an adult film star known for his enormous member are snatched out of time by President George Bush and recruited to help wage the battle against anti-Americanism and religious fantaticism in Iraq? Three words: Action action ACTION!

This summer, America truly goes on the offensive when NBC introduces an even odder couple than Felix and Oscar--meet John and Theresa! Sporting an impressive uzi-and an even more impressive woody--John Holmes throws grenades at the bad guys and matches wits with one mightily superior mother. The result? Explosions on the field of battle--and off.

CUT TO:
(HOLMES AND MOTHER THERESA SURROUNDED BY A CROWD OF NASTY-LOOKING IRAQI CITIZENS. BOTH LOOK READY TO TAKE ON ALL COMERS)

HOLMES: "I don't know how we got here, lady...but I do know we're about to kick some Iraqi butt!"

CUT TO:
(JOHN HOLMES TAKING A SHOWER IN A SMALL, DIRTY IRAQI APARTMENT. SENSUAL MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY, AND HE CLOSES HIS EYES, REMEMBERING A VIDEO SHOOT INVOLVING THREE STARLETS AND A GOAT. CAMERA PANS TO HIS HANDS SOAPING UP HIS CHEST, THEN STARTS TO MOVE LOWER BEFORE ARTFULLY CUTTING TO--)

(DOOR OPENS IN BATHROOM. MOTHER THERESA WALKS IN. HER EYES WIDEN AS SHE WATCHES THE SCENE BEING PLAYED OUT BEFORE HER.)

MOTHER THERESA: Holy crap...I can't heal that!

This summer, NBC heats up on Tuesday nights at nine, when musical singing sensation Jessica Simpson stars as Mother Theresa, and Charmed hottie Nick Lachey plays John Holmes, in a show that truly has it all: religion, sex, violence, patriotism...and MORE!
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