Snapshots from Green Victoria (tedwords) wrote,
Snapshots from Green Victoria
tedwords

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Pillars

First off, thank you to redheaddevilchiq and my beloved desi for their kind words after last night. I was in a very bad state of mind, as you can tell by reading ljinsomnia's entries. The good news is, I'm much better, now, really I am...

But let me tell you, driving away from home at one in the morning was terribly upsetting. When I arrived at my parent's house, I fumbled around in the dark, looking for the key. But it was nowhere to be found. And I sat there, on my knees, hunting around in the dirt, asking myself, "What the hell am I going to do now?" And I honestly considered sleeping in the car. In fact, I tried this, but it quickly became evident that it was too cold outside, especially because I had stupidly forgotten to bring a jacket. And I really didn't feel like renting a hotel room (sensible me--the possibility exists we'll have to rent one Saturday night, so I really didn't want to waste my money last night..) So I drove home.

I'm glad I did.

Our talk at five in the morning was calm and rationale. We discussed options more than anything else.

Possibly it's the lack of sleep, but I almost burst into tears twice today. The first was writing back and forth with my brother Tommy. I think he's aware that there are things going down, and referenced "lifestyle changes" today. And I indicated that I wasn't sure that he'd understand and he said, "Teddy, I'll always be there for you, no matter what. You're my brother and I love you." God, I get choked up just thinking about it now.

Thanks, Tommy. I love you, too.

Then I read Josie's post, which she emailed me because I had taken her off my friends list.

I don't know how I was ever so lucky to meet such a beautiful and loving woman as my dear Josie. I am not worthy of her, given all that I've put her through. But I swear to you, Jose, that we shall get through this together, and our love shall never diminish, no matter what occurs. There are many many women who could not possibly have been strong enough to handle this with as much courage and strength as you have displayed time and time again.

We shall endure.
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