Forget the so-called "headline" news...the California recall, the silent war that still rages on in Iraq, or the nation's latest dance craze, the "Microsoft Worm"...there's bigger news out there to be had, dag blam it!
According to unimpeachable source--Oprah Winfrey--teenage girls are engaging in oral sex in greater numbers than ever before!
Clearly, I blame our former President, Bill Clinton, for this unimaginable oral blight afflicting this great nation. These poor innocents were obviously inspired by Monica Lewinsky, in much the same way that women in the sixties were inspired by Jackie Kennedy's famous pillbox hats.
Seriously, I tend to regard these sort of "trend" stories with a bit of cynicism. I hardly think that today's youth are any less out of control than they were in "my time," those irresponsible late seventies/early eighties. I recall my friend, Debbie, being driven home in high school by a guy named Joel, and giving him a hummer as a way of saying thank you. When I asked her why, she shrugged it off, and said, "Ah, that's just like giving out a piece of candy."
But I guess when you've got an hour to fill...anyway kids, just keep this little tidbit in mind when it comes to celebrating the holidays this year...and I'll try not to spend any time in the house tomorrow, because it's clear that these talk shows do a number on my brain...
Anyway, back to the campfire...